This week something was brought to my attention: Toxic Masculinity. After been giving an unexpected piece to work on for the magazine I write with. I began reading about it which lead to me having a coming to Jesus moment. This mindset in people has been the root to all the pain, suffering and self-esteem issues I’ve ever faced in my life from childhood bullies all the way to where I am currently by both men and women. Here is what I currently have to say about it because I’m just getting started.
I’ve been looked upon as weak and in an unfavorable light because of the way I am by both “toxic masculine” men and “toxic masculine” women who inherently share the same mentality even if they don’t see it or understand that they do. I now am aware of the enemy for my fight in society and because of that there’s a new bitch in town…me. – Paul
What Is Toxic Masculinity?
Toxic Masculinity promotes an idea and stereotypes that any type of femininity is wrong because you are weak, and all guys must think, act and behave the same, which includes body stuff like muscles and so forth to justify their dominance as a man or being "hot" to be admired from their onlookers—it also defines your “success” in society from views of some people. I don’t care if what I am about to say next pisses any of you off because in the end I admire/idolize strong nice successful woman over a strong successful man any day because I relate to females more but the kicker here is, remove the word male from the equation, certain women think that same way about themselves. Especially people in power, those who have huge egos or feel entitled in their lives. This toxic mindset is to blame and I’ve been personally attacked by both genders all my life because of this—I’m no victim though I’ve told them all to fuck off at some point or another. They became offended...what a shocker. Clearly, this is a delusional way to think but it’s what it is and very active in society today.
My Thoughts On This Topic As Of Yet Because I'm Just Starting To Understand:
Despite everything I am or represent I never realized this ideal thinking is the root to issues I’ve had my entire life (it reflects in the message of my art either through my writing, a photo I do, projects I’m working on or things I sing about) and it’s because I don’t think like that—this is also the main reason why I tried to end my life once because I never felt like I belonged. I just deal with what comes my way because of how I am and tell them to f-off because I’m not intimidated by anyone. Like I don’t care who you are, what you are or where you are. I’m a strong sassy bitch in the end who can’t be stopped.
This whole time I’ve been doing my art and myself by just expressing myself but at the same time I’ve also been fighting this exact stereotype without realizing it. Even if you listen to the lyrics of a the new demo I've released, Who I Am, it's clearly stated in that by what I am saying, also in a new song I've been working on called 'Truth Of You' which is inspired about a guy who was "too cool" to live in the truth of himself. This mindset is the reason why I’ve been bullied/get treated poorly by people basically my entire life by both guys and girls throughout my childhood and even in my field of work. I’ve been watching Leah Remini: Scientology and The Aftermath recently, I’ve never been part of a cult or Scientology yet I’m like why do I relate to her in this moment of her life? What’s the message God is trying to tell me but I was like I don’t know.
I just always looked at myself as a troublemaker because I let people know how it is when I don’t like what is being projected onto me and I would always be in trouble by someone because of my mouth, but oh well I didn’t care and won’t care in the future. I will always speak my truth and not be silenced. Or I looked at myself as a scandal like Marilyn Monroe or Kim Kardashian to people because I’m unapologetically me and I do my thing yet constantly was criticized, not taken seriously, bullied, judged and laughed at but still come out on top.
It hit me after I finished writing that article for the magazine.
This type of behavior/thinking is the enemy to my fight in society as an individual and for those who struggle like I do in life because of these people both in and out of the LGBTQ community—because discrimination against gay men goes beyond the average society, it’s highly influenced within the LGBTQ community as well both physically and behavior wise which is why I get pissed when I get stereotyped as a “gay man” due to feminine qualities I have. While I am very proud to be gay, I will shine my pink sparkles for life and beyond honey, best believe it, I do not ACT like half these guys I’ve come across—they’re disgusting, horny and gross creatures who have zero respect for themselves and for guys, not everyone obviously but most of the culture is like that and I find it to be not cute. #sorrynotsorry
I am an individual and should be treated like one, as everyone should be.
Prior to my boyfriend coming into my life more than 5 years ago, I dealt with a lot of dickheads who tried to use me as an object or for a purpose of pleasure, some without my consent, especially older ones—I was 17-21. I do not appreciate motivates of only trying to sleep with me to use and abuse me emotionally. I never allowed that behavior to concur when I became aware and when I would speak my mind all of sudden the table turned, I was this crazy person because I spoke the honest to God truth…but this goes beyond that but to everyone in my life who needed to hear the truth of their wrongful actions of how they treated me, yet still I was made out to be bad: a bad friend, a bad worker, a bad person or how I made people feel weird when they're around me…all because I have a feminine vibe to me and am a bit of a sassy bitch. Another thing, just because I am more feminine from what the stereotype is described as don’t assume I want to be a woman or I dress up like a girl or wear makeup. If you’re a straight guy who use to know me (not that they would be reading this, they're too cool for it *insert eye-roll*) and I was nice to you don’t assume I WANTED YOU BECAUSE I DIDN’T—take yourself some several seats along with some of the other guys I’ve come across in my life.
Again, I express myself differently because I am who I am. I don’t like being labeled. I just want to entertain and make all of your lives enjoyable from my creativity. I do my art because it’s my purpose and my man comes home from a hard day at work to a loving home, where he’s respected by someone who’s loyal AF and he also does the same to me, which half of these people who’ve tried to make my life hell because of the way I am can’t even say that for themselves yet had/have the audacity to attack me and my lifestyle.
Guess what bitches, I’m now aware and I’m going to continue to keep rising and kicking these people—doesn’t matter what your gender or your sexuality is—I’m going to keep kicking them right where it hurts, in their balls, with my art, my voice and my personality. This is only my beginning of speaking out against Toxic Masculinity, buckle up.
Stay cute and stay you, xo!
p.s My lines of communication are open on social media and via email so feel free to share your thoughts on either platform. If you share this post, I appreciate you so much. Thank you for all the support and love. Have a beautiful day!
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