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In January 2025, I began a little blog project. I wanted to document a time in my life where I was stepping back into my authentic self, from the smallest details of my day to the way I chose to express myself. I’m happy. I’m in the most authentic place I’ve ever been, and that’s something I truly wanted to share. My work has always been rooted in the documentation of emotions and the human experience — especially my own. This reflection is raw, unfiltered, and honest. If you read, I hope you enjoy. And I hope the empowerment I experienced during this, you also feel within yourself.
I also knew if I wanted this to be my most authentic self-expression yet, I couldn’t just share the glam or the fun times with my friends. I had to pull back the curtain. I had to revisit moments I’d spoken about before — even the ones that made me uncomfortable. This time, I had to reclaim my social media footprint in truth, not in the filtered, over-exaggerated voice I used back when I was struggling and felt I had to prove something. Also known as the reality television persona I developed without having a reality show. LOL
Back in January, I felt like something was missing. I missed sharing my art: my poetry, my creative writing, my self-expression photography for social media — and simply being me in front of a cellphone camera, whether it was with friends or by myself. I missed connecting with people. So I decided to start documenting for a creative outlet and to see what happens.
It started with my first piece of poetry, too much to tame, which ended with the line: “What’s more powerful than a diva too much to tame? One who knows their worth.” I remember writing that line and thinking, This is really happening. I also shared a blog post titled: "How I Built My Self-Worth, One Bold Decision at A Time."
I released those pieces — both on my social media and my blog — the support and love came flooding in. Overwhelming, but in the best way. It felt like, Okay. People are actually here for this. They’re here for me.
I also needed a self-photoshoot to celebrate myself and this moment in my life. Some may think that’s an alter ego, but Queen, y’all are wrong. That’s me. In full glam. Something about me is this: I love fashion. Fashion is part of my identity. So if I get inspired to do a photo in front of the mirror or have my LED lights around me and pose — it’s my prerogative. If it makes people think I live in an alternate universe… then so be it. Do y’all pay my bills? No. But I do.
With those photos and some behind-the scenes shots, I re-did my blog banner to fit my vibe.
My decision to step back into showcasing the creative person and writer I am was fully ignited by my best friend, Zoe — and also by finishing a project I’d spent years working on, where it felt like it was either now or never.
In February Zoe had tagged me in a post, sharing how she appreciated that I inspired her to be her authentic self. She slayed in a mirror selfie wearing a cheetah-print coat, and it completely caught me off guard that she was thanking me. 
To this day, I appreciate that Zoe shared that post, because in a lot of ways, she helped me more than she knows. It truly made me feel confident in my decision to do this project.
I also knew if I wanted this to be my most authentic self-expression yet, I couldn’t just share the glam or the fun times with my friends. I had to pull back the curtain. I had to revisit moments I’d spoken about before — even the ones that made me uncomfortable. This time, I had to reclaim my social media footprint in truth, not in the filtered, over-exaggerated voice I used back when I was struggling and felt I had to prove something. Also known as the reality television persona I developed without having a reality show. Thanks to Sam. Zoe and Patricia who brought it to my attention and I'm glad they did because I took that as a moment to grow and conquer. Anyways… I’ve been documenting myself for years, and I don’t delete the past. I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I’ve been through. I’ve been judged for as long as I can remember — I’m not an amateur. That’s why I embrace the scandalous side that lives within me. When I say scandal, it doesn’t mean I think I’m some Hollywood celebrity in the tabloids. I come from a small town, and more often than not, I’ve been treated like a spectacle just for existing. Facts are facts. So I embrace the part of me that raises eyebrows, sparks gossip, makes people uncomfortable, and makes them question my choices — simply because I refuse to fit into a box. When I first made the decision over a decade ago to share my self-expression in whatever forum I wanted, my goal was empowerment. I’ve always felt judged, misunderstood, and underestimated — and sharing my journey helped me claim myself in a way I hoped would lead to strength. And it has. Reflecting on that is when Xo, From The Diaries of a Diva was born. It was the most empowered I’ve ever felt releasing something to whoever was willing to read it. The idea came to me, and I spent days preparing the launch — designing the graphics, digging through my journals, pulling out the pictures and the words I had once written to describe my emotions. 
As I pieced it together, I realized I was looking back at a guy who had always known his worth… even if he didn’t fully believe it at the time. It was all there — in the photos, the poses, the scribbled notes, and in the way he kept showing up no matter what. You can read the entries I shared during this blogging season here.
But to step into this new chapter, I had to remove the image I once hid behind. I made a TikTok video and captioned it: “Blondes have fun, but so do brunettes.” Showcasing past and present — and a wink at what’s to come.
Because yes — I may have been struggling when I was platinum blonde, but I was also having the time of my life. Even if it was a solo party, and even when people were calling me delusional. The comments on my appearance, my existence, were the harshest they had ever been. People tuned in and took their front-row seat as I documented a mental breakdown I didn’t even know I was having. No one knew I was battling a Xanax addiction, because I was always “camera-ready.” I hid behind a mask very well. I was the loneliest I had ever felt. But I made it fun for myself when I could — because that’s who I am. I’ll laugh, I’ll sparkle, I’ll dance, even with tears in my eyes.
That line was symbolic. It paid tribute to the good times, even as I revealed the scars. It gave a wink to my present and a nod to what’s still to come. It was me saying: the mask is gone. And I’m fully here as me. I’ve arrived, bitches. If I had to sum this project up in three words: rebirth, empowerment, and vindication. The rebirth and empowerment came midway through, when I launched and released Xo, From The Diaries of a Diva.That was me saying: I’m back. It was creative, it was intentional, and it felt like the clearest version of myself I had ever put out there. The vindication came later. I remember one night in early August, I was texting the group chat with my friends Zoe, Sam, and Patricia, and I said, “Guys… I feel like this year vindicated me.” Because it had. The way everything unfolded — the projects, the love I received, the way people showed up for me — it all added up to this undeniable truth: I was right to believe in myself. So much happened that I couldn’t even capture on my cellphone. But I felt it in my heart. And that’s when I realized this project wasn’t just about creating content for social media or a blog. It was about reclaiming what others once tried to break in me. That was the real vindication. The reason I could even do this “blogging season” (and by season I mean I focus a bit of time on it and wrap up when life gets busier) is because I finally finished something that empowered me — and that gave me the space to create this. It really taught me the definition of personal empowerment. To me, empowerment isn’t loud, it’s still. It’s knowing before you see. It’s feeling whole without needing anything. It’s staying composed when you feel judged, and staying humble when you feel loved. Empowerment is knowing yourself in every way… and knowing you are that. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have moments of insecurity or anxiety. Because I did. The thing about me is, even if I’m insecure or not feeling confident about something… I do it anyway. And whatever consequences come after, I handle them. That’s just how I’ve always lived. The publishing world is a process — and so is searching for agents. I was feeling behind on the timeline I had created for myself, and to re-inspire myself I came up with the idea for a mini self-shoot. Because when I get discouraged about my writing, sometimes photography revives me. Writing can be lonely — but creating images, sharing them, and connecting with others makes it fun again. I wore a white cardigan, short black shorts, tall socks — and I stared into my reflection. In that moment, I felt the most beautiful I had ever felt. Like the person staring back was the man I had always known I was. I took lipstick (that I don’t even wear), wrote xo with a heart, signed my name on the mirror, and captured it. 
That’s also when I wrote the poem Unmasked — a piece about reclaiming your image and finally seeing yourself clearly.
Unmasked.
All I did was love myself out loud. And from this angle, I’m not too much. I’m just enough--for me. A flash. A pose. A bare thigh kissed by mirrorlight. A cardigan slipping from my shoulder, proof I could no longer be contained. And suddenly--I’m offensive. But here’s what they don’t see: I was pulled apart--and taught myself how to return, not to be seen But to finally see myself. They’ll never know what it cost to show up at all. No one asks how heavy it is to walk into a room and feel the distance from those who once stood beside you. I cheered for them loudly--and they quieted when it was my turn. Some friendships don’t break--they just start shrinking the moment you shine. But the strong ones don’t disappear under your light. I see you all trust me I walked miles while they were asleep--through the work, the tears, the nights that battled me--I never let the pain twist my reflection. I frame myself like a painting--not to be admired, but to remember I was here. That this body, this choice, belongs to me. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt--that being seen can feel so much like being punished. And maybe that’s the bravest part--that I keep returning to the lens, to the mirror, to myself. And I don’t know if they’ll ever see me right. But I finally see me. 
I debated sharing both the photo and the poem. My mom wasn’t happy about those images, and my family gave me a hard time — but what else is new? I’m bold. What can I say? Still, it felt raw. It felt vulnerable. And I had to ask myself: am I really ready to share that?
But then I thought — if I tell myself no, why did I commit to doing this? I’d be betraying the very message of Unmasked. So I posted. And the moment I did, I felt incredible. I did it for me, not for anyone else. Because that’s the thing about rawness: it doesn’t leave you broken, it leaves you stronger. At the start of the mini-project, I put on the white fur and felt powerful — like I was finally standing as myself. By the end, in the pink fur, I realized I’d come full circle. I still felt empowered, but this time it was different. I looked at those images and thought, Here I am. Extra. Glamorous. Over the top in the best way. Being me, but in a creative way. And that’s exactly who I am — always expressing myself, always having fun, and always telling my story. 
This experience has been one of the best I’ve ever put together and shared. I have my friends, my man, and my family to thank, because in my life I’ve had friends who made me feel like I was terrible, and men who told me I was “too much” or “embarrassing.” Strangers and people I let into my world would try to bring me down, but I’ve always gotten back up. The people around me now — some I’ve known since preschool — they’re incredible. Beautiful. I feel blessed to walk this journey with them. From the very beginning, they showed up with their whole heart. That’s who they are. And that’s why they’re still here.
Everyone who shared this experience with me — I’m so grateful for them. I’m thankful for the memories we made, and for their willingness to let me share those moments with an audience. This has truly been one of the best years of my life. I’ll carry those feelings in my heart forever… and I’ll always have this season to look back on. 
Though I’ve stepped away from the need for validation, it felt amazing every time someone commented, shared their thoughts, or read my words. I felt seen. I felt heard. And I owe that to everyone who took the time to do that for me. Because for so many years, I felt judged and criticized. This project proved I just had to find my people. And I put some of those comments in the photo below because they were truly nice and I appreciate your words so much.
Within the last week I had a moment. I really wasn’t sure about any of this, because the first concept I had to showcase the final part of this project didn’t land the way I hoped. But I took the constructive criticism, and did my approach with no angle. I just showed up as me. And these words you’re reading came from the simple encouragement I received from my boyfriend — who honestly has loved every version of me, even the reality television show persona. LOL.
And I feel the best way to end this is with this: Some days I’m a guy with glasses and a notebook; other days I’m in crazy outfits, drawing xo with a heart and my name on a mirror. There is no me without the other. For so long, I thought I had to pick — the poet or the diva, the steel or the magnolia, the calm or the storm. But I’ve always been the contradiction. This project let me be all of it.
I didn’t perform. I reflected. And in reflection, I finally introduced everyone to the real me. That wasn’t just freeing — it was vindicating. And all of this inspired the poem I decided to close out this project with.
I was raised to be polite. But I was also taught how to be unbothered.
When you’re raised to be good, boldness feels like betrayal. And suddenly the world you once loved no longer feels like home. And in a small town, they’ll starve your spirit just to feed their pride. And in a small town, front-row envy books every show. High-maintenance — but what’s wrong with that? “Too much” has always been my superpower. I am a pretty mess: shattered yet whole, a work of art in progress. They warned him about me: “A storm like him ruins men.” I am the scandal. The drama. The aftermath. I didn’t just survive those fires, I posed in them. Every flame a camera flash, every scar a close-up. You thought you wrote my ending, but all you did was cue my entrance. And darling — I never miss my mark. I wore pink fur: femme, fatal, and finally mine. I became a kind of beauty they weren’t built to survive. If the way I carry myself unnerves you, maybe it’s because you’ve never met someone who walks the same stage as you and doesn’t need permission to live. Vanity is their insult. Resilience my reply. Boldness my freedom. Expression my truth. I don’t need forgiveness. I don’t need applause. I only needed to outlast the noise — and look at what I did. The prettiest revenge was never proving anyone wrong — it was proving me right. — xo P.S. Your existence doesn’t need their approval — it’s already your victory. You deserve to take up space in every color your soul sings. Don’t waste your fire trying to keep small people warm. And don’t take yourself so seriously. Let loose, and have fun with your life. 
Share your thoughts over on my socials. And thank you for being you. You are fabulous. And slay. Never forget that - xo
All posts that go with this project and have a full reflective caption underneath are linked below:
January February 2nd Post March April May June: 1st Post 2nd Post 3rd Post July August Poem with creative photoshoot When I started this project in January 2025, I had no idea it would become the very thing I’d been trying to create for over a decade of documenting myself online. I’m grateful for this moment—and excited for the next chapter in my journey. I hope to see y'all there with me.
Bonus Content: A list of songs that I listened to the most during this project.
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Welcome to the DiariesXo, From the Diaries of a Diva is my personal collection of inner monologues, poetic thoughts, and things I could’ve said—but wrote my worth instead. Archives
January 2026
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