5 Steps To A Healthier Self-Talk

After everything I’ve been through in the last couple of years, I’ve come to a place where I’ve finally taken control of my self-talk and begun removing narratives that were placed from people on how I was made to feel, perceived as, their attitudes toward who I am, what I do and everything else that stems from those experiences. Those people made me feel, and those emotions I felt weren’t positive, so my subconscious mind, in some odd way, recorded those feelings which would turn into thoughts I would speak to myself about myself. For so long I’ve felt in a sense deep down I had to prove something to make myself feel better. I never really cared much about how people would associate their thoughts when it came to me yet still those words found their home inside me. It led to much anxiety that brought so much pressure where it would always hold me back and when I didn’t hold back that anxiety would make the experience unpleasant. Girl, I don’t have time for that anymore—like I’m done and done with the people who try to make it come back with their nonsense—and I knew something needed to be done to make space for my authentic voice so I can live my happiest life doing what I love to do. Here are 5 steps I’m taking for a healthier self-talk and if you want to improve your inner monologue, I hope this helps. 

It’s your thoughts that shape you and your life so make sure it’s actually you talking not the noise from the people behind the flashing cameras. *Muah*

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1. Acknowledging my words then replacing the negative ones

This is important because if you aren’t aware of your words how can you replace them with better ones that actually describe who you are. Acknowledge how you’re speaking to others and yourself. For example, “I can’t do that.” Instead say, “I’m going to try and if it works out, great, if not I’ll take what I can from it and let go moving forward to something new.” This step is huge. It can be anything so pay attention to your words and edit the sentence to a positive tone that fits where you’re at. If your mind is racing with thoughts, slow down, take a breath and refresh.

This is teaching me to be more confident in my choices and allowing myself to retrain my mind with better words that add better feelings. 

2. Embracing my imperfections and mistakes 

As humans, God—or whomever your higher power is—never intended for us to be perfect and anyone who feels they are in my opinion has something wrong with their psychology. We must learn to love what we were given, aging gracefully and working towards things we would like. Like I said before we weren’t meant to be perfect. When I look at myself and I’m having an off-day where I feel insecure about something I take a moment by silencing my mind and closing my eyes. I don’t stop until I balance out my thoughts regarding my insecurities and once I’m back to a normal state of mind all is fine. 
We’ve all made mistakes, said things we didn’t mean, did stuff we wonder why we did and when I think of things I’ve done wrong or said not in a nice way I think if I didn’t mess up I wouldn’t have learned. That lesson helped me become a better person and make better choices for myself no matter how many times it may have taken eventually I learned and for that I’m grateful. 
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This is teaching me to not be so hard on myself. 

3. Doing things in silence
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Over the last year or so I became more reserved. I’ve learned the hard way not everyone —even those you thought loved you or had your back—has the best intentions and won’t be happy when you’re happy doing your thing and you know, that’s okay. People are allowed to feel whatever way they want as you are too. So instead of giving people or anyone an opportunity to try to take my happiness by feeling entitled to be nasty I enjoy it first before I even share, if I decide, because at least then I was able to experience it for myself and gain all I needed from it. My life isn’t a sport and it’s not a competition nor am I a competitor so I do in my own speed what needs to be done. Also, I don’t believe in living life in silence because that becomes depressing and we were born to make noise but there is a healthy medium to live silently while sharing with others. 

It has improved how I speak to myself about my goals, honoring my wins and failures and allowing me to find the right opportunities I would like to take or have presented to me.

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4. Asking myself questions and waiting for the answers to show themselves 

I never felt I needed validation from others, others just felt they needed to validate me so this is something I’ve always done. If I need a sign that I’m making the right choice, on the right path, or if I’m stuck or feeling down I ask whatever it may be that I need to ask. The answer isn’t always immediate, but when it comes, I know it truly feels fantastic when it does. 
This is teaching me to have better patience with myself and my emotions. 

5. Surrounding myself with better people so I could have better experiences 

This step is huge because the people you have by your side are the ones that share their lives with you as you do them. Having people who bring joy, peace and laughter along with honesty and authenticity will enlighten your burdens, bring forth your best qualities and strengths allowing you to thrive. Supporting each other no matter what. 
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This is teaching me to be more aware with who I’m spending my time with, who I choose to actually socialize with outside of social media and who I allow into my energy field as it’s important for my mental health and self-talk because the people you are around the most their words will somehow find you when you least expect it—make sure their good people. 


In my opinion this isn’t finished once you’re done taking the steps and there are so much more to be taken. I feel once you’ve gotten the groundwork down it will be easier but it’s something you have to always have in your mind and be aware of to protect yourself from those who want to bring negativity to you and your life. Here’s something I always think—and it’s made perfect sense to me and has helped when I’m faced with not-so-nice situations—those individuals who are bringing negativity into your life by treating you poorly, judging, putting you down or in some way trying to question your very existence are your paparazzi and their words are the magazine headlines…don’t buy what they’re selling to you, especially when it’s about you—consider their sources. The most important conversation to pay attention to is the one you have with yourself. It’s your thoughts that shape you and your life so make sure it’s actually you talking not the noise from the people behind the flashing cameras. *Muah*


Thank you for reading. I’m so proud of you all for being you and for trying your best every day despite the circumstances both good and not so good. Keep slaying and thriving you’ve got this!

Until next time!
-Paul 

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