Dealing With Negative People and The Methods I Take

I have my hands in many different projects: novel series, memoir, music, my column, social media and blogging—there are other things I am brainstorming but let’s stay focused on what’s important…my writing. As I sat in front of this blank document, well, let me rephrase, as I was laying in bed thinking of what to write my ideas began to flow so now I’m sitting in front of this document writing as I type. It’s almost midnight which means it’s going to be a long night for me. I learned my lesson on not to promise a set of posts because I assumed I would have them all written but I don’t. Please forgive me…ha-ha! My head is in so many different directions that it’s time for me to tie down and focus on my BOOKS but part of me can’t abandon my blog…like ever! Continue reading to see what I am opening up about in this post with tips on how to help when you find yourself dealing with negative people. 

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Never allow others to dim your sparkle. Regardless of who they are, or in better words, who they think they are-Paul Travis

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At first I was weary of what I wanted to share but something inside said “Paul, don’t overthink. You’re allowed to share your truth. Screw what they will think. You have a voice, use it.” 

I am not writing this in a petty way but in a truthful way—if it were petty the energy I would put into this wouldn’t be worth it. I don’t have a filter. I never have, never will. It is what it is. I am who I am. That’s the truth. Take it or leave it. I am writing this to share with others on how I handled things vs. what I learned during the process.

As I was laying in bed I began to think of some negative situations I encountered to write about and how I handled them: some not so pretty and others not very bad—either way I don’t regret what I did…or said. That’s a lie I regret one thing and you’ll find out. I made a list below of a FEW situations I encountered—because I’ve encountered a lot—that showed me the true colors of people (which is helping me write a serious juicy memoir LOL) and each situation will share my reaction in a shortened version on how I behaved along with my thoughts.

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• In high school an upperclassmen decided to tell people I was gay because I refused to have sex with him. That was the lowest point for me mentally because I was struggling so bad with dealing with the fear of it. I became consumed with fear and I almost tried to end my life at 17 because of it—that is one regret I have that I allowed someone to bring me to that point. Someone who wasn’t even important to me. I wasn’t ready for people to know or to give that piece of my innocence away because truthfully I wanted to wait for the right guy to share that special moment with which I did when I started to date my boyfriend in 2013. So, I just embraced and found courage in facing what happened head on. Year 2009. I was a junior, the guy was a year older. 

• When I worked at a grocery store a man from a different department was talking harsh about me being a gay guy to other workers like it was some big scandal, shocker, me being mixed in with something scandalous, whatever. When I found out the store had barely anyone inside I basically confronted him loudly from across the room. He didn’t like what he heard. He came marching up to me trying to tell me to never do that again and I said, “Don’t you ever say anything about me again.” He got into trouble, not me, by upper management. I was 18, he was in his 50’s. Year 2010.

• When I attended trade school, a woman in her late 30’s was gossiping about me and my friends while we were right there. I overheard her. When I had enough of her snarky remarks I told her she’s a jealous b**** and needs to grow up. I was sent to the principals office—YES IN an adult environment I got sent down to the principal or dean whatever you call it because she told on me. I was 18. Year 2010. It wasn’t long after that I was removed from the program because my grades were low, anyways. Next. However I did complete a different program in that school.

• Working in an office building I was two minutes late coming back from my break and my supervisor at the time got an instant message from a worker stating I was past my 15 minutes because I was talking to a co-worker. My supervisor reached over to me and began to reprimand me and I wasn't having it. I knew exactly who it was, so, I stood up, marched to where she sat and said “You are nothing but a troublemaker. Why would you do that?” She didn’t say anything to me but her face turned bright red. Bet she never saw that coming. I am like Nancy Drew, I always figure everything out. I was 22, she was in her 40’s. Regardless I was the one who got in trouble which I accepted full responsibility for behaving in a way that shouldn't have been done but sometimes the rules need to be broken. Year 2014. I can't believe people act like they're in high school by tattling when they are grownups, especially ones half of my age. I wouldn't act like that to anyone.

• When trolls began to attack me on blogs (not my blog), in comments and basically anywhere they could I was overwhelmed because I never experienced such non-stop 24/7 harassment on my looks, my career, my personal life and all the above. These people knew nothing about me yet assumed they did. It was a learning curve for me, though. I got even tougher skin because of it, in the end I won because I’m still doing my thing. 

• I think the scariest of all was in early 2019 when I visited my mom and we were at the store. A man and his wife were began to laugh. I assumed they were laughing at my mother and I bickering but it turned out to be far sinister. I began to get a weird vibe and told my mom we have to leave. As we went to the next store, they were there again, this time, they made it known they were laughing at me while I was picking up bottles of soda. I asked “What’s so funny? You guys were doing this in the last store?” Offended by me speaking up they got super defense. As I turned my back the man charged at me with his cart; my mom in the middle. He had pure evil in his eyes as he said, “You’re lucky I wouldn’t go to jail or you would be put into the hospital.” I didn’t back down to him. My mom was between us saying, “You won't dare touch him.” I stood face to face silent as could be, staring him in the eyes until he backed down. My only concern was getting my mom out of harms way due to her bad back and I didn’t want her hurt because if the man did hit me, my mom would have gotten involved. I never came face to face with an attempted hate crime until that day and I pray I don’t ever again.​

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A lot? I know. But that is only 10 percent of the drama that occurred in my life. Even though I could have handled things differently in some situations because I’m not an angry person I don’t feel like I would do anything different. I don’t regret standing up for myself. I always took action for my wrongs and I apologize when necessary. I’m not perfect. Being older now and having gained life experience I tend to handle things a lot more differently, though. I don’t waste my energy on nonsense. 


Here are 5 tips when it comes to dealing with negative people

1. Do you best to consider the source. Look at who it is; see where they come from. Where they come from shows how they think and how they carry themselves. It can help you with dealing with the proper corse of action to take because it shows if they can be reasoned with or if they just think they are Gods gift to the earth.
2. As hard as it may be at first when someone tries to rain on your parade or bring you pain, know it will pass and it won’t matter in 5 years. Don’t let these type of people control your narrative. You are amazing and should know that.
3. Don’t get caught up in the opinions of others. If you do, remember they probably feel that way about themselves.
4. Pick your battles. Your energy is fragile and what you invest it in, it will return in such forms. 
5. Remember, everyone is fighting a battle no one knows nothing about—even bullies, if you look at it from a compassionate perspective you will let go, not for them, but for you to have peace in any situation giving you full control over your emotions. 

Thank you for reading. I will see you guys next time! Remember to always stay true to yourself and be kind. You can always email me your questions or connect with me on social media!  


Stay cute, xo 

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